How Are Your New Year’s Commitments Coming? - February 19, 2012
I was asked by my coach today how my commitments to myself (which all seemed valid and perfect) were going.
I had committed to:
1. A monthly ‘day of rest.’ Check!

2. Schedule a massage. Check!

3. Start yoga. Well…

I accomplished two of these goals, and one was partially by default. I had a day of rest in January because I had some sort of virus and I was unable to move. So does that count? Then my husband had it, and I had to do his full-time stay-at-home dad job and my job and I have to publicly tell Todd THANK YOU for all he does, because I would not be able to work on running my own business and all he does to run our home and care for Kate.
(I suggest we start a “Stay at Home Parent’s Day.” Hallmark ought to LOVE it! Another day to sell cards and appreciative trinkets. What month is lacking for these sort of things? Just survived Valentine’s Day – and my 14th wedding anniversary.)
I had an amazing massage at Nabacu in Rockville. Check them out, I love it there.
Last Sunday Kate and I stayed in our jammies all day and did her Valentine’s cards for her class, and watched Shirley Temple. I can now sing all of the words to Good Ship Lollipop. Love this day of rest idea!
The year is off to a good start, I am developing a couple of new products, closing a couple of new deals, enrolled Kate in Martial Arts class (what a great program for a 5 year old to learn discipline, respect, self-control.)
I signed up for 2 significant professional development courses, one next weekend with The Kevin Eikenberry Group and Stages of Adult Development Workshop that will satisfy my recertification for the International Coach Federation.
It is President’s Day already. All the feds are off, most companies and schools are off and the President’s Day sales are abundant. March coming in like a lion perhaps is around the corner. The older I get the faster time goes by. I looked at my sweet five year old sleeping this morning and realized that I could envision her being 8 or 9. The pre-school look is diminishing, and her independence and excitement about her upcoming belt test in karate, and her love of music flourishes. It really does go by fast.
How about you? It’s a good time to check in and see your progress. And if you have not completed one of them, hold yourself gently. It’s ok. And commit to starting it or accomplishing it now. I will check in with you in April!
Filed under: Uncategorized by ermigrp
Tags:Adult Development, Nabacu, New Year's Commitments, The Kevin Eikenberry Group
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Daniel Goleman, the father of Emotional Intelligence coined it best. An Amygdala Hijack – the phenomenon is also known as ‘being thrown under the bus.’ Unfortunately it is something we have all experienced in our lives at one point in time or another. Sometimes we even cause them for others inadvertently, and even some purposely.
The gift of awareness about this condition can save you from a lot of unfortunate pain, discomfort, poor choices and the wrath of the aftermath. It is actually the flight or flight response that is triggered when the amygdala (a mall almond shaped part of the brain) is triggered by some surprise attack, or feedback we were not expecting. It is a defense mechanism certainly. You can feel your blood pressure rise, your face is flush, stress in your shoulders, pit in your stomach all of the above or a combination.
When I was at Georgetown coaching school, we learned that it takes 18 minutes to recover for an amygdala hijack. I was introduced to this concept and then it actually happened to me a short time later by an unsuspecting family member. What happens is our brain sort of freezes during this process. We cannot think as rationally and logically as our brain attempts to recover, and ponder the proverbial fight or flight syndrome. Yet we often hang in there at that staff meeting, or performance review session, struggling to stay in the game, but perhaps saying something incriminating, or not representative of our normal intellectual baseline.

So when it happened to me, I literally timed the phenomenon.
I took a pause, hung up the phone in order to collect myself. I breathed deeply. (Another dumb thing we humans do under stress is to stop breathing, or at least minimize it through short shallow breaths.) Guess what people, our brains need oxygen to function optimally! So I breathed, and breathed some more. I finally started to feel ‘normal’ again and rational thought processes returned. I looked at the clock and by golly 18 minutes had passed.
I taught this concept to hundreds of managers at a DC based health care system during performance management training. It was shared in the context of giving difficult feedback and that sometime the employee is not ready to receive that feedback , disagrees with it, has a blind spot about the skill gap, and has a Amygdala Hijack.
I suggested they don’t force the receiver to stay just to get the conversation over with, but to take a pause, let them get a drink of water, take a walk, give them time to breathe so they can serve themselves well by being able to ask questions and show up less defensive. Now this doesn’t work for everyone, you may still get the anger, the tears, the apathy and an array of other emotional responses, but you will increase the likelihood of a better quality dialogue if you take a break. The more we understand about how we impact others, how our brains respond, and the choices we have to maximize potential, the more engaged our workforce can become.
Filed under: Uncategorized by ermigrp
Tags:Amygdala Hijack, Communications, Daniel Goleman, Difficult Conversations, Emotional Intelligence, Leadership, Performance Management
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